felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
