I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
