Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
