nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Drunk cheerio confetti may seem like a brilliant idea when your drunk, but believe me, the next day, its a horrible, horrible mess.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
is that a dick in a sweater?
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Randomize
