I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
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