Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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