dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
