I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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