You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
