So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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