I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Dick very happy bro
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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