i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
