I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
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