i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
