i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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