He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
why do cheetos always look like penises
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
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