Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
