He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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