the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I just drove by a church. On the sign out front was written 'crocodile cock'. On both sides.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
Mom called last night while I was at the bar and asked where I was. I told her I was on the highway to the danger zone while the guys were humming the top gun theme.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Thus began an intricate shell game of nude cardigan photos
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