I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
Did you get my bra back of the bartender?
I seriously think we need to revision your idea of 'keeping a low profile'
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
