Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
