Memo to the bitch sitting across from me at Swamp: no one thinks you're classy with your Louis Vuitton and your Burberry scarf when you're dragging on that cig like it was the last cock on earth and you needed cum for sustenance.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I just heard your voicemail. Glad you like my dick and think I'm cool
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Randomize