You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
