help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
Randomize
