theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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