I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
