I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
