I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
