Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize