I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Dicks are not precious.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
Randomize
