Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize