So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
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