So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
