Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Before he gave me the breathelizer, he told me to "blow like you're blowing your boyfriend". I like him. My tax dollars are well spent
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
