Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
