What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
