My friends, they love my intelligence
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Randomize
