There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
