you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I took his sheets with my when I left seeing that I underestimated my period. Also grabbed a 6-pack out of the fridge because breakfast is the most important meal of the day & I don't do other peoples laundry for free.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
Randomize
