He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
