allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
