I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
All I remember is drinking vodka out of tupperware.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Randomize
