It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
Randomize
