the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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