Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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