If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
I woke up at 3:30 this morning to pee. Luckily, I didn't have to travel far as I was asleep in my CLOSET on my yoga mat. Good news is I had a pillow...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
