dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Found a piece of twizzler in my buttcrack.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Randomize
