if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
