Non-Jews are for practice
its like randi wears special contacts, but instead of colors they make her eyes say "I want cock"
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
Randomize
