This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
why didn't you say something constructive like "stop chugging that vodka"?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
