Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
if you like me you must not know who I am
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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