Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
