I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
