Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
