you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
not ubering you a puppy
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
