Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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