You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Randomize
