I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I know how to make vodka btw in case you want to come over and do a science project
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Dude we were sitting at my place stoned as fuk then someone knocks on the door and it was my neighbor giving me a huge box of cookie dough. Magic of weed.
Randomize
