Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I am 100% positive that I have seen a porno that was shot in this bar.
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
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