You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
