So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Randomize
