Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
