I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Totally shot down my boss for sex today. Approaching this weekend with a clear conscience and an untouched vagina.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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