I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
