when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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