you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
